Why You Need to Start Managing Your Emotions

My best advice on how to avoid stress, burn-out, and emotional binging.

We’ve all experienced days where you have been running around crazy all day without a moment to catch your breath. You feel like you are all out of sorts. Often, we are holding onto a surplus of mental and emotional clutter.

The build-up from the day or perhaps the week has started to affect your current state of mind and the relationships with the people you care about the most. You feel like a bomb waiting to explode. You are trying to keep a handle on it, but you are failing miserably. You have stuffed so much down that it is threatening to come back up, and you do not know what to do. You suddenly notice that you are holding your breath. Your stomach feels tight, and stress is coursing through your veins. You have used up most of your self-discipline for the day, and you are feeling short-tempered and irritable.

Maybe it’s dinner time and your family is waiting to eat a home cooked meal and to enjoy your company, but the only thing on your mind is: I hope I can keep it together long enough to serve this dinner up, so I can go sit by myself for a bit and exhale.

Or maybe you feel desperate to open up a bottle of wine to pour yourself a glass, so you can begin to relax and forget the day but know deep down you that it won’t solve the problem. It will feel good in the moment, but unless you deal with the emotions, you will be in the same place tomorrow reaching for another cookie or glass of wine to numb the pain.

You know the day I am talking about… the kind of day that brings up all kinds of negative self-talk…

The power went out last night, so you overslept this morning and missed your favorite yoga class. The dog tracked mud into the house, and you had to wash the dog and the floors while dressed for the day and then you were late for your doctor’s appointment. Your best friend canceled your lunch for today, and you were desperate to connect. Your boss was in a mood. You got home from a busy day at the office only to discover that one of the toilets is starting to gurgle, and $500 later you are told that your son used too much toilet paper and clogged the pipes. Maybe you are mad that your husband failed to listen to you when you called him to vent. And, some days, it does not end there.

Dr. Rick Hanson says that “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.” The accumulation of all the negative stimuli can hit you hard especially if it has been awhile since you “cleaned house”. If you are like most of us, it can be hard to prioritize your own needs and make the time for internal self-care. Just like the dust accumulates in our house when we do not make the time to dust, our thoughts, feelings and emotions can build up if we do not take time to sit with them and process them.

When these negative emotions threaten to overtake us, we have two options: 1) ignore the build-up of emotions and continue to try to stuff them down or 2) face the music.

Facing the music takes self-discipline, courage, and self-awareness. Ignoring the negative feelings and emotions may seem like the “easy” option, but it is sure to blow up on you when you least expect it. Those feeling that we are trying to suppress will not just disappear. Sweeping them under the rug or trying to force a lid on them will never work.

The absolute best thing to do is to go clear the clutter. Go take care of those toxic emotions. Find a safe place to unload them, so you can make way for what you truly want and value- focus, peace, happiness, and quality relationships.

You may be thinking… well, that sounds great, but how?

My suggestion is to grab a notebook and start unloading all the pent-up emotions onto the sheets of paper. Take a few deep cleansing breaths and start to connect with your intuition. Ask yourself, “What’s going on here? Why am I so upset?”

Start to identify the negative scripts playing in your head. There is no need to judge the feelings or analyze them. You can do that later if you want, but the main goal here in writing is to purge the toxic waste you have been collecting all day.

Once you have been able to clear your head, you can begin trying to make small shifts towards more positive thoughts. Be compassionate to yourself. Offer yourself love and understanding. Be gentle. You got this!

You do not need to share your words with anyone. If you are afraid that someone may pick up your journal and read your not so desirable thoughts or emotions, it will affect your ability to really let go of what you are feeling, so make a plan to protect your privacy. You can shred the pages when you are finished or find a safe place to store your words. There are even journal apps that you can use complete with password protection, or if you prefer to type, open a Word document, and get going!

Writing is therapeutic. It is guaranteed to make you feel lighter, brighter, and more balanced. When you have scrubbed your mind cleaned, you are giving yourself and those around you a better you. You are free to be more present and connected with those around you.

Trust me! It is worth it. You are worth it!

If the family is waiting on you, just tell them that you need 15- 30 minutes to take care of something. You cannot possibly take care of everyone else until you take care of your ticking time bomb. Trust me, they want you to take care of the storm that is brewing within!

Maybe in the past, they have experienced your wrath and would much rather see you go sit and write for a bit if it would make you a nicer human to live with. They do not want you taking your bad day out on them any more than you do. Dinner can wait a few minutes. This process does not take long. Just think of the great role model you will be to your children. Self-care is not selfish. We will all be healthier and happier if we learn to deal with our feelings and emotions instead of trying to bury them.

Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. No magic fairy is going to show up and tap you on the shoulder to say, “you need to remove yourself for a few minutes and take care of business,” so do not wait on her. You do not want all that negativity living rent free “upstairs”. You deserve more! Make a constructive and proactive change. Do some housekeeping and make room for all the positive life has to offer you.