How Forgiveness Can Help Free Yourself From the Past
I like to consider the act of forgiveness as a conscious choice. A conscious choice to start letting go of the past. Forgiveness lets go of the hurt, anger, and resentment for a perceived wrong. Regardless of if you think that the person deserves it.
Forgiveness is the ultimate healer.
The Bible directs us to forgive as the Lord has forgiven us:
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13 KJV
Some people are more forgiving than others. Forgiveness can be challenging if the person does not admit his/her transgressions. This can cause:
Confusion
Anger
Sadness
Resentment
If we dwell on these hurtful interactions, grudges take root.
We can become consumed with our pain. And our negative feelings can begin to outweigh our positive emotions.
Not Embracing Forgiveness Affects Your Health & Well-Being
Harboring anger and resentment or holding a grudge can increase our bodies’ stress. And lead to anxiety and depression. Whenever the upsetting person comes to mind… The bitterness and injustice cause us to emit stress hormones (cortisol and adrenaline).
When we experience a flood of these stress hormones… We limit our ability to problem-solve or be creative.
Depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic syndrome can weaken our immune system. Increase our blood pressure, and lower our self-confidence. When we are so consumed with the past and these perceived transgressions… It’s difficult to live in the present or show up as our best selves.
Holding a grudge can also impact how we show up in destined relationships. Without forgiveness, we begin to see others through the lens of our past life experiences.
We can become so preoccupied with the fear of feeling this pain again that we erect walls around our hearts. And miss opportunities to connect with others.
Forgiveness is the gateway to experiencing love, peace, and freedom.
What Does Forgiveness Mean?
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what somebody has done unto you. It doesn’t mean that you are excusing or condoning the behavior. Or that you pretend that the offense never happened. It’s not even necessary to reconcile or make up with the offending party.
We aren’t called to be a doormat. We need to embrace the act of forgiveness.
We forgive to regain peace of mind and set ourselves free from living in the past to enjoy the present. It’s about moving away from the victim mentality. And releasing the power that the offending person and situation have on us.
We let go of the past and the associated fear to embrace the present and be free to love. Unchaining ourselves from the past, the pain, and the grudges mean that the offender no longer defines our life. Or clouds how we see the present or the future.
Forgiveness inspires greater feelings of hope, optimism, and happiness.
Forgiveness can help:
Reduce unhealthy anger
Reduce depression and anxiety
Help to repair relationships
Discovering how to forgive and letting go of the past is a critical step in personal growth. It feels good to offer ourselves and others the gift of forgiveness.
Understanding the How the Power of Empathy Helps in Forgiving
Learning to see others through a lens of love is key—practice empathy. Try to perceive things from someone else’s perspective. Seek to understand and ask questions to get on someone’s map.
Remind yourself that we are all human. We’re all doing the best to help extend mercy, grace, compassion, and understanding.
We are all impure, and we all fall short. We all come to the table with dissimilar experiences and belief systems. That affects our behavior, actions, and decisions. Consider that the person you perceive to have hurt you may be responding from a place of fear.
And he/she may need love, tenderness, and compassion.
In A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson says, “Forgiveness is a choice to see people as they are now.” When we get upset with people, we are in distress about something they did in the past. Those perceived transgressions no longer exist in the present moment.
We make ourselves crazy—when we see everything through the lens of past experiences. We are always the ones that suffer—not the offending party.
The bottom line is that we are not the sum of our past mistakes. We’re not what we said or did. In the present, we are innocent and free of the past. Shouldn’t we want to offer this same freedom to other people?
Do We All Deserve Forgiveness?
When we focus on someone’s guilt, it grows. Instead of looking for the faults in those around us, why not look for their beauty and innocence?
Think about the most awful thing you ever did to someone. Would you prefer them to hold it against you forever? Or would you like them to see that you’ve evolved over time and learned from your mistakes?
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be remembered for my mistakes. Don’t we all deserve forgiveness? Think about how this one act could change our world. Think about how many lives would change and how many relationships would heal.
Like John Lennon wrote, “All you need is love.”
And 54 years later, this still rings true.
Start Forgiving Today by Choosing Love Over Fear
The decision to love and to forgive is a decision that joins us to others. When we give to other human beings, it always comes back to us. Forgiveness is the secret doorway to freedom and inner peace.
Our goal is to shift how we think because our thoughts lay the foundation for our actions. The shift in our thinking comes from how we perceive situations. In all experiences, there is a story we tell ourselves in private about what happened.
We interpret what we experience; thus, we are in control of what we choose to believe. We believe the story we tell ourselves, and those beliefs shape how we see the present and the future.
It all starts with your beliefs. What do you believe about yourself, others, and the world? Suppose you think that the world is full of honorable people doing the best they can. You will look for the good in everyone. And be quick to offer mercy, grace, compassion, love, and understanding for those that have hurt you.
If you believe in an abundance of love, you will experience an endless supply of love. You will give and receive love.
At the end of the day, we are all hard-wired for love, but you can only experience one emotion at a time—fear or love. You can continue the war, or you can embrace peace, but it’s a choice.
You must let go of the past and the fear and choose love.
Have you embarked on your forgiveness journey yet? Leave us some lovely comments below on how forgiveness has positively shaped your life.
